"What the #$&@!?"

A lot of things happened in 2023 that I am incredibly grateful for. Derek and I bought a house! Something we never could have done without the help of my uncle as our realtor, and my mom for helping us afford the down payment. When the time came to move, more family came to help: Derek's parents, siblings, aunts/uncles, cousins. Derek himself has worked so hard to keep our house, cars, and technology running as we pass through the seasons of our first year here. For my birthday, he gave me the gift of our first pet, Nala the cockapoo! Nala has brought so much love into our house, both the love that she shows us and the love we return back to her. I started off 2023 with the goal of writing in a gratitude journal every day. I fell off of that habit around the time we moved into our new house, but I still have the journals. My gratitude goal for 2024 is to pick up this practice again. Maybe not on a daily basis, but I can try for weekly at least. Even if I don't sit down and write in the physical journal, there are other ways I can reflect on and share my gratitude. I want to convey to the people around me how much I appreciate them whenever I can, through words, deeds, or gifts.

When I did my 2023 Resolutions last year, I said, “the name of the game is accountability.” I'm not entirely sure if I succeeded in my intentions to hold myself more accountable this year. I think in some ways I did, but in others there is (as always) more room for improvement. I have always tried to focus on my own health as much as I need to, be it mental, emotional, or physical health. In 2023 I started on Vyvanse, which is the first ADHD medication which actually helped me focus and be productive. I started working with a new therapist, learning more about mindfulness and the practice of Positive Psychology. And lastly, I underwent 36 sessions of TMS, which I believe have strengthened my foundation and given me the tools to continue to work to undo the negative thought and behavior patterns that 20+ years of depression have drilled into my every day life. My accountability goal for 2024 is to seize the new opportunity given to me by the TMS and to continue to put the work in to make myself a more reliable, dependable, and helpful part of the partnerships in my life. I want to take on more responsibilities around the house, and to be more focused in my work to break my bad habits, including but not limited to impulsive spending and internet/social media addiction.

Part of being a grateful and accountable person involves being attuned to and considerate of other people's thoughts, feelings, and needs. While I can roll well on Insight checks in some situations, I often fail the Perception checks necessary to know when the people around me need help. The people in my life have done so much for me, and if I am going to truly show them my gratitude, I need to hold myself accountable and think of what I can do for them without them needing to ask for it. Anticipating others' needs can be hard when your disordered mind doesn't work the way it's supposed to. But I am capable of learning from my mistakes, and I intend to reflect on missteps to learn what can be done differently next time around. In 2024 I want to take the time to really consider before acting. When I see someone struggling, consider what I can do to help alleviate their burden. When I see someone trying their best, consider what I can do to make sure they know their hard work isn't going unnoticed. When I know there are hard times ahead, consider what I can do to prepare us for them, and make sure we have everything we need to weather the storm. By being more consciously considerate, I can repair and strengthen the connections between myself and the world around me.